We’re way too serious today


Some oldies but always good for a laugh… and at our age some of them will sound like new jokes…. 

UnderstandingEngineers #1
 
Twoengineeringstudents were biking across the MIT campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”
 
The secondengineerreplied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” So I took the bike.
 
The firstengineernodded approvingly and said, “Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”
 

Understanding Engineers #2

 
To the optimist, the glass is half-full.  To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.  To theengineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
 

UnderstandingEngineers #3
 
A priest, a doctor, and anengineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.  Theengineerfumed, “What’s with those guys? We’ve been waiting for fifteen minutes!”
 
The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!”
 
The priest said, “Here comes the greens-keeper. Let’s have a word with him.”  He said, “Hello George, What’s wrong with that group ahead of us?  They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”
 
The greens-keeper replied, “Oh, yes Father.  That’s a group of blind firemen.  They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!”
 
The group fell silent for a moment.
 
The priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”
 
The doctor said, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything she can do for them.”
 
The engineersaid, “Why don’t they just play at night?”   
 
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NRA


This is an opinion on what is the best way to look at an organization that only exists because of rich Americans. We, as gun owners only need to elect officials who are not bought and paid for by a lobby which only goal is to flood the country with weapons and anything that goes with those weapons.

Throughout my life, my family and I have owned guns. We locked them when necessary and when I was a child, my dad just kept them out of our hands until we understood the dangers.

On a final note, there’s only two solutions that I can see. Eliminate all guns or develop common sense regulations to limit the likelihood of mass shootings. My personal favorite is, use a gun in the commission of a crime and spend the rest of your life in jail.

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November 2017


A gunman opened fire Tuesday morning at a home and elementary school in Northern California — killing four people and wounding several others, including two children, before being shot dead by cops, according to local reports.

Undersheriff Phil Johnston of the Tehama County Sheriff’s Office said there were seven shooting scenes and that there may be more victims, the Redding Record Searchlight reported.

Several students were airlifted from the shooting scene at Rancho Tehama School near the community of Corning, about 120 miles north of Sacramento, according to KCRA.

At least 100 police officers rushed to the Rancho Tehama School near the community of Corning, about 120 miles north of Sacramento, and killed the gunman, according to reports.

Johnston said the shooter had been “randomly picking targets.”

Police later recovered a semi-automatic rifle and two handguns believed to have been used by the gunman.

Ten shooting victims were taken to various hospitals across the region, according to the Record Searchlight.

“I know that we have medevaced a number of students, I know that the school has been cleared, I know that we have the children that were attending school in a safe location at this time,” Johnston said.

One of the injured children is a 6-year-old who was flown to Mercy Medical Center in Redding with two gunshot wounds, the Record Searchlight reported.

A second child was reported to have been shot in the leg, according to emergency dispatch reports.

A 30-year-old man also was taken to a hospital with a gunshot wound to the thigh, according to the news outlet.

The mayhem erupted after 8 a.m. local time at a home in Rancho Tehama — a town of 1,500 west of Corning in Tehama County — and then continued at the school, KCRA reported.

Brian Flint, 27, who lives near the gunman, told the Record Searchlight that he received a call that his roommate was injured and that his truck had been stolen.

He later told the Red Bluff Daily News that his roommate was among those killed.

“The crazy thing is that the neighbor has been shooting a lot of bullets lately, hundreds of rounds, large magazines,” Flint said. “We made it aware that this guy is crazy and he’s been threatening us.”

Living near the gunman, a known felon who often harassed his neighbors, was “hell,” Flint said.

Another resident, Salvador Tello, told the Record Searchlight that he was taking his three children to school when the gunman fired at a truck in front of him.

He said he made his kids get down before he put his truck in reverse and sped off as he saw a woman lying dead in the street with her wounded husband next to her.

Initial reports said someone was barricaded inside a structure.

Katrina Gierman, who lives in Rancho Tehama near the school, said she went outside and heard gunshots.

“I have not left my house because I am with my newborn son,” Gierman said. “Very scary moment. I have the right to bear arms, and I will protect my son if I have to.”

Jeanine Quist, an administrative assistant with the Corning Union Elementary School District, confirmed the school was on lockdown, as was the nearby Rancho Tehama Airport.

“We are cooperating with local law enforcement — we don’t have any confirmed information at this point,” she said.

A local TV reporter described frantic parents trying to get to their children at the school.

Rosie DeOliveira, administrative assistant at the Rancho Tehama Association, said police ordered citizens to “shelter in place.”

“Our doors are locked,” she said.

The FBI “is sending some — teams up to assist at the request of Tehama County authorities,” Jason Wandel at the FBI’s Sacramento field office told the Record Searchlight.

US Sen. Kamala Harris said on Twitter that she was “heartbroken” about the shooting and “closely monitoring the situation.”

“Grateful to the officers and first responders on the scene,” she wrote.

FILED UNDER CALIFORNIASCHOOL SHOOTINGS

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When are the police going to be trained in how to deal with mental illness?


Watching the local news in San Diego today and another mental patient who was throwing bricks at cops and grabbing a kitchen knife was shot by police. I had no issue with this at first do to the fact that the person broke into a house and that’s where he acquired the weapon. Also, the person in question, ( according to police ) came at them with the knife. However, the issue I do have is the two officers who confronted the person. One had a non lethal weapon and the other had an assault rifle. Both weapons were shot at the same time. I want to believe the police but I can not at this point with the limited information I have. JG

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Try and See the Humor


Murder at Costco
Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems
by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary and then arranging to have her killed.
A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie
explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $10,000.
The Husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's
insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single
dollar coin that rested inside.
Artie sighed, rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Costco Supermarket. There, he surprised her in the produce
department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath
and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene.
Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.
However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the
store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the premises.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements
with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared…

 
 
"ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ Costco"

 
 

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Angry


Americans need to get off their asses and vote. Can it be any simpler than that? If you want things to change then vote the person out who is not getting it done and tell the next person that he or she is on notice. Stop being labeled conservative or liberal and just inform these servants that they work for us. JG

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Todays Update


The more things change, the more they stay the same. Republicans are doing the same thing the democrats did in the last administration. All I heard out of Washington during the Obama era was we must oppose everything he ( the President ), puts forward. Now the democrats are doing the same. The only difference today is the Republicans can’t seem to get their own people together. Quite possibly because they can’t fix health care until we all realize that it’s going to cost all of us regardless of our politics. We have to take care of our seniors and the disabled because it’s just the right thing to do. Add into that, our veterans and you have a cost that we need to address and there’s no getting around that fact.

Wake up people, if these men that we elect can’t get the job done, REPLACE THEM !!!

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Go Navy


The U.S.S. Constitution (Old Ironsides), as a combat vessel, carried 48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men. This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea. She carried no evaporators (i.e. fresh water distillers). 


However, let it be noted that according to her ship’s log, “On July 27, 1798, the U.S.S. Constitution sailed from Boston with a full complement of 475 officers and men:
48,600 gallons of fresh water,
7,400 cannon shot,
11,600 pounds of black powder and
79,400 gallons of rum.”

Her mission: “To destroy and harass English shipping.”

Making Jamaica on 6 October, she took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum. Then she headed for the Azores , arriving there 12 November.. She provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons of Portuguese wine. On 18 November, she set sail for England .

In the ensuing days she defeated five British men-of-war ships, and captured and scuttled 12 English merchant ships, salvaging only the rum aboard each.

By 26 January, her powder and shot were exhausted.
Nevertheless, although unarmed she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in Scotland .. Her landing party captured a whisky distillery and transferred 40,000 gallons of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn. Then she headed home.

The U. S. S. Constitution arrived in Boston on 20 February 1799,
with:
– no cannon shot,
– no food,
– no powder,
– no rum,
– no wine,
– no whisky,

and 38,600 gallons of water.

GO NAVY

 

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To funny to pass up


Subject: Fw: Re: A good old catholic story. Enjoy!
 

1. A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight… machines that tell your fortune. So, she thought to herself “I’ll give it a try just to see what it tells me.”

2. She went over to the machine and put her nickel in, and out came a card that said, “You’re a nun. You weigh 128 pounds and your are going to Chicago, Illinois.”

3. She sat back down and thought about it. She told herself it probably tells everyone the same thing, but decided to try it again.

4. She went back to the machine and put her nickel in. Out came a card that read, “You’re a nun. You weigh 128 pounds and you are going to Chicago, Illinois and you are going to play a fiddle.” The nun said to herself, “I know that’s wrong, I have never played a musical instrument a day in my life.” She sat down again. From nowhere, a cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down next to her. The nun picked up the fiddle and just started playing beautiful music.

5. Startled, she looked back at the machine and said “This is incredible. I’ve got to try it again”.

6. Back to the machine. She put her nickel in and another card came out. It said “You’re a nun, you weigh 128 pounds, you’re going to Chicago, Illinois and you’re going to break wind”. Now, the nun knows the machine is wrong “I never broke wind in public a day in my life!” Well, she tripped, fell off the scale and broke wind.

7. Stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine. She said to herself “This is truly unbelievable! I’ve got to try it again.”

8. She went back to the machine, put her nickel in and collected the card. It said “You’re a nun, you weigh 128 pounds and you have fiddled and farted around and missed your flight to Chicago.”

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**it Happens


All over Social Media the past week , I’ve been watching this young girl being pulled into the water by this mean Sea Lion. ( LOL)  The only reason I write this now is because this same media is attempting to point fingers at the parents because the criminal Sea Lion in question, had already snapped at the little girl minutes before. I’m surprised no one has suggested that the Sea Lion be put down.

Reality check folks,  Animals are just that, ANIMALS. We watch stupid movies where these same animals are seen as dossal and playful and never consider the simple fact that they eat and play with there food more than our children do. We also see very little about the very brave gentleman who, without any hesitation, jumped in that water and saved that little girl. That’s who we should be focused on, not the parents who are most likely feeling grateful for their daughter being safe and sound.

LIFE LESSIONS are the best ones !!! The parents in this case did nothing wrong. Some of life’s lessons are just like this one and others are more tragic. Being able to talk about and incident after the fact is just that, ( A LIFE LESSION )   JG

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